Merry Christmas!

Peace of the Baby Jesus to all of you! Merry Christmas. It's finally here...the long awaited birth of our Savior. 

I write this still in my PJs from the comfort of sunny Florida. I've been back from Honduras now for a little over a week. To be honest, I couldn't have been more ready to get home. I was feeling a little spent, tired, frustrated...the last few weeks at the Mission were pretty busy and I was letting myself forget that it isn't what we do but who we are that gives us worth in God's eyes. So I showed up in Fort Myers like a giddy little girl taking in all the wonders of hot showers, walking/running outside by myself, drinking from the faucet, and silence at night. I do notice that I see things differently here after having been abroad and on Mission, but it didn't take me too long to get re-assimilated into this culture to some degree. The United States, for all its virtues and vices, is my home, and for that I am grateful. 

I had been waiting to get home for quite awhile; holding out for it, though I tried to remind myself that every day counts. And there were some pretty important days in the last few weeks...a medical brigade, a mountain evangelization mission...and the weeks of Advent, the Church's season of waiting. When asked in a community reflection what Advent means to me, I answered "anticipacion gozosa" which is my poor translation of Joyful Anticipation. It's joyful because we know that we have already been saved. The victory is already won. But I regret that my last few weeks weren't as joyful as they could have been. I lost a little bit of hope. I thought maybe it would all be restored the minute I stepped foot in the States. 

But when I got home, as joyful and happy as it has been, I realized again that my hope is not in the material things and comforts of the world, because I have those here, and I still long for more, for depth. My heart yearns for God, a God whose "ways are not my ways". I wondered if this Christmas which has been beautifully simple, would be as exciting and mysterious as Christmasses in the past, now that we're pretty grown up and there aren't kids around. Yesterday we went to the beach (sorry all you Northerners!) and I was reading the Pope's encyclical (a long letter he wrote, published last November).  I put it down to go for a walk and I stared out into the sea...and I wondered why it is that staring out to sea fills me with so much hope. We have no idea what's out there or what the other side looks like. It's the unknown that brings us so much hope. But for us Christians we are assured that Heaven is the other side! There is much suffering to endure while we wait, but we can receive it joyfully knowing that we are all really citizens of Heaven, no matter what our passport or paycheck says. One day we will all REALLY go home! The poor shepherds and the rich Magi alike came to adore Jesus in the poverty of His little manger. 

So Merry Christmas. God has found me through the love of my family here, as I pray He is doing for you today as well. I'll be going back to Honduras on January 12th with a renewed hope, but that will come when it comes--and I am grateful for this time here and in MI to unpack and keep reflecting upon the way God has worked in these past few months. I wish you a year of joy and few sufferings, but when they come, that you might face them with hope. You are certainly all in my prayers during this season of joy, as my gratitude radiates to wherever you are! I pray that these words of truth and wisdom might accompany you this Christmas season: 

"God cannot suffer, but he can suffer with. Man is worth so much to God that he himself became man in order to suffer with man in an utterly real way--in flesh and blood--as is revealed to us in the account of Jesus' Passion. Hence in all human suffering we are joined by one who experiences and carries that suffering with us; hence con-solatio is present in all suffering, the consolation of God's compassionate love--and so the star of hope rises." (Pope Benedict, Saved in Hope, p. 46)

Martita and me.
The Church in which Our Lady of Suyapa, patroness of Honduras, appeared. (Maria Santos Martires in the wheelchair has no limbs...sits close to Jesus there everyday!)

<--My bros and sisters...our Missioners community. Que guapos...

So I get a little laughed at because I dance like a member of Nsync. Juan Carlos attempts to teach me Batracha...or was it Merengue?

I was thinking more about the amazing pupusas I had just eaten...

Dios esta aqui!

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Mi culpa...mi gran culpa! Forgive my very late post. Is it already the middle of November? I'll be back in the States for Christmas in a month. It's hard to believe. Part of the reason I haven't written is because it intimidates me. So much happens in a day...crises and joys. It's funny--here, everything always seems wrong and impossible and surreal. People are always sick, poor, suffering, sad...and yet at the same time somehow everything is perfectly fine and in its place. One minute I am fed up with how painful everything is, and the next I'm smiling and surrendering. And the mountains are still a cause of wonder for me. Life here is incredibly paradoxical.

Over the past month I've started to work more consistently with the Mother's group here and the Scholarship program for students. Many of the students have mothers in the group. Most of the mothers are single. Three times a week I make visits to their homes. There aren't telephones or street names...the social worker whom I work with, Sagrario, , simply knows where they all live. It's so amazing how they trust us and open up to us with every problem. I've left in tears multiple times.

A few stories from the past month.

We found out that the man who played guitar at our local parish died suddenly of a heart attack. His kids are all involved in our ministries, and his 14-year old daughter comes to the class that I co-teach on Sunday afternoons for young women. I hadn't really met her (there are about 40 girls in the class!) but when we showed up at their home to pay our respects and pray with them, I did my best to comfort her. I've never had to comfort someone who lost their father 2 days before...but it was incredible how she opened up to me and trusted me. After she cried for a while, I asked her what her favorite memory of her Dad was. She preceded to show me every single picture of him that she had. She was laughing...so was I. And it was beautiful...almost every picture was related to a liturgical celebration. He was a true man of God.

One of my favorite people here is our friend Marta, or Martita as we call her affectionately. She is a woman in her 50s, but she has extreme mental incapacities. No one really knows exactly what happened to her. She has been a friend of the community since the beginning, and she stops by almost everyday for food, coffee, and her eyedrops and medicine. She usually isn't wearing shoes, and her hair is full of little white things...(though she just got it cut!) Every time I walk her to the door after her visit she stops and venerates Christ in the tabernacle saying, "Jesus protect me and care for me". She touches and rubs all the paintings we have of Jesus or Mary crossing herself and praying. She is like a little child without fear. Everybody in our community has a story about Martita. A few weeks ago, during the major flooding that occurred here, she was scared to sleep in her house because there are holes in her roof. So, another missionary and I slept overnight with her in our ministry center. As I was saying goodnight to her, her little body wrapped up in 3 blankets, I thought...this is Jesus. I'm caring for Jesus right now. Sometimes the Missioners sit around and talk about humorous things she has done or said, because they are beautiful and plentiful. When we talk about her, it's so joyful. It's like we are talking about Jesus Himself.

And lastly, Suyapa. Please keep her in your prayers. She is a woman who comes to our Thursday mother's group. She has severe depression, and it was so bad a while ago that she had to put her 4 kids in an orphanage since she was pregnant again. She now has a 4 month old beautiful baby girl. She lives nearby in a room that the Friars help her to rent. But a few weeks ago, she overdosed on her depression pills. Here there is no hospital able to host a poor person when something like this happens. But it wasn't safe to leave her alone in her home with all the drugs still in her systems and a little baby girl to care for. Therese, my sister missioner, and I spent one night with her in the ministry center...I slept next to the little baby girl, giving her bottles and worrying all night that I was going to crush her. But the next morning it was peaceful and beautiful and I was so happy that Suyapa was still alive. She's doing a little better but needs our prayers immensely. The spirit of depression in the women here is, well...depressing. But when they smile? How could anyone lose hope after seeing smiles like theirs?

And as for me? I am simply praying that I can always be poor enough to realize how much I need God. The Kingdom of God is here among us, even and especially in Honduras. These are the people that we are preparing ourselves to spend Heaven with, because their faith and childlikeness makes it apparent that God holds a special place in His heart for them. I'm looking forward to visiting my homeland in a month for Christmas, but they remind me that my real homeland is Heaven, when we can rest from this constant struggle that is life.

I pray for a Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! We have a busy few weeks ahead of us..so I look forward to catching up when I'm home. Thank you again for allowing me to be here with your support, encouragement and prayers. I bring you with me everyday!

En Su Amor,
MJ

Onward to Nicaragua!

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Friends and Family,

I hope this post finds you well and enjoying the fall season! I miss you all.

Honduras is beautiful...I'm more and more like a little girl, pondering everything I encounter like Mary did in the depth of her heart (Lk 2:19).

This past week a CFR priest has joined us, Fr. Agustino. He has a great love for youth, and for the Theology of the Body, a beautiful work of John Paul II's on man and woman and how God created us to be in communion with one another. He'll join us next week in Nicaragua, where we go on Mission again...we are also visiting Ave Maria University there, and the Franciscans of the Primitive Observance. Please pray for everyone we visited this week, the Mission that some of my fellow Missioners are currently on (a couple's retreat in an aldea) and our time in Nicaragua. We are definitely keeping busy with the Lord's work...and the harvest is ready!

Thank you for being who you are and a part of my life! Thank you for the love that you have and that you have shared with me.

I leave you with a song..."tenemos tanto tanto pero tanto tanto tanto tanto...para estar agradecido!" "we have so, so, but so so so so much for which to be grateful!"

LOVE,
MJ

MOC blog

Check out our updated Missioners of Christ blog: missionersofchrist.blogspot.com. This is my post from a few weeks ago:

Throughout college, praising God through music was a powerful form of prayer for me. Here in Honduras, I am able to “sing a new song to the Lord,” in a new language! Before leaving, I thought it would be difficult to give up my favorite praise and worship songs in English, but as usual, I was focusing more on what I would lose than on what I would gain. The words to one of these new songs have been especially significant for me, as a new missionary in our community: “Todo lo que soy, todo lo que tengo, todo lo que quiero, todo lo que sueño, a ti Señor Jesús, te entrego.” (Everything I am, everything I have, everything I want, everything I dream, to you Lord Jesus, I surrender).

Some days during the past 3 weeks I have prayed these words joyfully, thanking God for the opportunity to really wake up each day and spend myself completely for Him. Some days I pray them with exasperation, feeling poor and useless. But the words of this song keep causing me to realize that our God longs to be our Provider; in fact, His heart burns for it! But He allows us the freedom to allow Him in, and we can only do that when we don’t leave our options open: Christ is our only option! And He is everything.

This was made clear to me during last week’s mission to the mountain town of Guajiquiro and its surrounding villages. The night before we left, we were blessed with an extended night of prayer and praise before the Blessed Sacrament, asking God to pour forth His Holy Spirit upon us again as He did at Pentecost. And send us forth He did, to the unknown, like the branches from His vine. All we had to bring to the villagers was Christ, literally—in His sacraments (Fr. Juan Diego, cfr was with my team).

Each night in the village we had a holy hour with the villagers. On the last night I was sitting in the back row of the chapel, sharing my candle and song sheet with Luis Alfredo, a 7-year-old who had been joining us all week. As we sat and shared Christ’s light, my fellow missioner Juan Carlos began the song… “Todo lo que soy, todo lo que tengo…” I looked up at Christ, humbly gazing at us from the altar, thanking Him for what He had done that week with our willingness to serve Him through our simplicity, poverty, and faith that He was at work. Lord, let us be living monstrances, displaying your love to everyone we encounter. When all we have is You, we have more than enough.

Mission in Agua Blanca, late September

Giving my testimony! In Spanish...yikes! Thank you Holy Spirit!






Clockwise: 1. Lupita and me...they taught me how to play tag in Spanish, and I taught them how to play duck duck goose! 2. James and I probe the Scriptures as we wait for lunch. 3. Parrot chooses to nest somewhere other than upon my head...


Small groups with youth of Agua Blanca

First Mission Pictures

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Aldea (Mountain Village) Pasguares, mid-October





Our equipo (team): Etel, me, Mark, Therese, Juan Carlos, Mili, Fr. Juan Diego, cfr





Therese slipped. It was a tad muddy. We laughed though, thank God!






Our team with the family who opened up there home to us for every meal...we brought the food and they cooked it for us...three times a day. Incredible.







Mark and I with the kids of the family we ate with...