Back in Action

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Well, I'm grateful to say that I'm back to pretty much one-hundred percent action! Thank you for all of your prayers. I couldn't be more grateful to have your support and your love. I really depend on it.

My Dad wasn't able to visit...passport issues. It was a disappointment for sure, but reminded me to trust that everything happens for a reason. God is definitely teaching me how to be detached here. So it looks like Dad will be coming in March now, which is exciting!

I often get asked what I do on a regular basis here...to which there is not an answer. I thought though that I'd take you through a more or less "regular" day in mission life here...so I'll tell you about this past Wednesday.

Alarm rang at 5:00. After getting ready made a cup of coffee and sat down in my favorite spot--the balcony overlooking the sunrise behind the mountains. Though it's hard to get up, this is quickly becoming my favorite part of the day. From 5:30 usually till 6:30, we have personal prayer time. The sun rises a little before 6, so by that time I can see what I'm reading :). We prayed morning prayer and walked to Mass together--Wednesday is my favorite day because we get to go to the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal for Mass.

After Mass we ate breakfast. Wednesday mornings is my day to make visits with Sagrario, the social worker here. By 8:30 there were 2 families at our door, so on my way out I encountered them. They were asking to talk to Carol our head servant here. I tried to "triage" their problems. One family is from the neighborhood, a mom, her young daugher, and her young daughter's daughter; asking basically for food and help with money and clothes...the other a 19 year old mom with her two kids. There wasn't much I could do. We don't have the resources or ability to give bags of food to everyone who asks, unfortunately. I wish we could give them what we have in our kitchen, but then we couldn't eat either. It's a constant balance of trying to help when you can help and learning how to say no in a loving way. I'm not so good at it, but I depend on God's mercy and grace to help me out! I took the 19 year old mom with me to see if Sagrario had any wisdom for her, but while we were waiting for Sagrario to arrive, had a really good talk with her...she wants to go to school but her mom just kicked her out because she's not working...her little kids are bouncy and beautiful and so alive...the kids have two different dads and neither one is around...I tried to talk to her about how she can't settle for that--if only she knew how much she was worth!

Made visits with Sagrario: Elvia, an older woman who comes to our Thursday Bible Studies and spends most of the day alone in her home; a couple in their 90s, has been married for 70 years and now the woman has a bad case of dimensia--but she is adorable. He takes good care of her! Then to Jenny, who comes to our Bible Studies and is obviously depressed--has three beautiful kids. I love walking around with Sagrario--I ask her so many questions and she points out little cultural things; plants, names of different things at the pulperias (sort of like a convenience store).

Rosary at noon with the community, then the afternoon back at our ministry center, helping to clean out our office over there. There is always activity there, and I happened to sit down with one of the girls in our scholarship program and had a good talk. She wants to get confirmed this year. She was also a little concerned that she was 16 and had never had a boyfriend...I made sure to tell her this was PERFECTLY OKAY!!!

We had holy hour and dinner, then formation as a community, which included a lively game of Bible trivial pursuit, oh yes, in Spanish. I read a little bit after that, journaled...talked with my roommate and hit the hay.

You never really know what you'll encounter in a day here...it's best to be prepared for everything and not so attached to your schedule or your plans. And to take it one day at a time. I am always grateful to have that hour of time in prayer with Jesus...no matter how crazy the day is, if I can depend on having that hour, I can stay a little sane. :)

I miss you all, and thank you for your love and prayers. Happy St. Valentine's Day!
Blessings,
MJ

Back to Honduras and God's Mercy

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Happy 2009!

I have a lot going on in my heart and my head right now, so I'll try to be brief. I had an amazing break at home with my family. I really rested, had some yummy food, runs, and hot showers, saw a lot of a lot of people I love, and talked to others on the phone. The snow wasn't even that bad! I guess I can say that now that I'm out of it again...but really, I was so blessed by that month, even though sometimes it seemed like I was in a whole different world!

I came back to Honduras bracing myself to jump back into the craziness of life here. But I wanted to come back focused on adoring Christ and slowing down and not getting so overwhelmed and anxious. When I arrived at the Mission house after 2 days of travel and was asked to leave early the next morning for a dental brigade in the mountains, I said okay Lord...here we go on this adventure again!

It was a beautiful mission--I became a dental hygenist and translator for 3 days, which was, well, interesting and humbling. On our way home, after passing through the most perilous part of the trip from the mountain village to the first big town, it began to rain a little bit. About 20 minutes from home, we went around a curve a little fast and slammed into the back of a semi going the other direction. It was rather surreal, everything happened so quickly. All of a sudden I was in the back of a passerby's car with one of our missionaries who was unconscious and hardly breathing, begging Mary and Jesus to save his life and to get to the hospital before it was too late. Needless to say it was a little dramatic.

We got to the private hospital and he was still alive, and once he was in the room I realized that I was a bit out of it too, with some major neck pain. They checked me out, got some x-rays, and determined that nothing was fractured, only some neck trauma which should go away after a few weeks. Thank God the other two, after some more extensive testing, were all right. God was so merciful to us though..He really did arrange everything that day for the best. Everything could have been so much worse. We've been getting reports of other recent car accidents in the area, and out of 10 people involved in those, only one survived.

So even though I'm not exactly sure what God is saying through all of this, and I'm confused and a bit frustrated at my inability to do much...and how it is a bit of a setback for our community due to the cost and time and pain that surrounds the accident, I think His message rings clear...He loves me (and each of us), no matter what we do. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more. And I believe He has a plan and purpose for my life and for the life of this mission. It sounds a little trite but I'm waking up grateful for the singing birds and the shining sun, and the yells from the kids in the neighborhood. There is a little more sweetness in all these things, and in remembering how good my life is and has been. I hope that it teaches me, when I'm back up and running again, to take joy in the little tasks of life instead of seeing them as obstacles to be checked off of a list.

I'm grateful for your prayers and your concern, I have definitely felt it and will continue to need it as I keep trying to stay close to Jesus right now. I've decided for now not to come home, as my symptoms are improving and everyone here is taking great care of me and my fellow missioners. My Dad has actually decided to come visit this weekend, just so that I can have his company and (in case I forgot) to tell me in person how much he and the rest of my family love me...and my Mom's cousin Lori is visiting as well. So please keep our mission in your prayers as we start this new year, full of things to do but also that we might be renewed in our way of being. I am confident that this time of purification means that God has great plans for this mission, if only we remain patient and trusting in Him!

All my love and prayers, MJ

Merry Christmas!

Peace of the Baby Jesus to all of you! Merry Christmas. It's finally here...the long awaited birth of our Savior. 

I write this still in my PJs from the comfort of sunny Florida. I've been back from Honduras now for a little over a week. To be honest, I couldn't have been more ready to get home. I was feeling a little spent, tired, frustrated...the last few weeks at the Mission were pretty busy and I was letting myself forget that it isn't what we do but who we are that gives us worth in God's eyes. So I showed up in Fort Myers like a giddy little girl taking in all the wonders of hot showers, walking/running outside by myself, drinking from the faucet, and silence at night. I do notice that I see things differently here after having been abroad and on Mission, but it didn't take me too long to get re-assimilated into this culture to some degree. The United States, for all its virtues and vices, is my home, and for that I am grateful. 

I had been waiting to get home for quite awhile; holding out for it, though I tried to remind myself that every day counts. And there were some pretty important days in the last few weeks...a medical brigade, a mountain evangelization mission...and the weeks of Advent, the Church's season of waiting. When asked in a community reflection what Advent means to me, I answered "anticipacion gozosa" which is my poor translation of Joyful Anticipation. It's joyful because we know that we have already been saved. The victory is already won. But I regret that my last few weeks weren't as joyful as they could have been. I lost a little bit of hope. I thought maybe it would all be restored the minute I stepped foot in the States. 

But when I got home, as joyful and happy as it has been, I realized again that my hope is not in the material things and comforts of the world, because I have those here, and I still long for more, for depth. My heart yearns for God, a God whose "ways are not my ways". I wondered if this Christmas which has been beautifully simple, would be as exciting and mysterious as Christmasses in the past, now that we're pretty grown up and there aren't kids around. Yesterday we went to the beach (sorry all you Northerners!) and I was reading the Pope's encyclical (a long letter he wrote, published last November).  I put it down to go for a walk and I stared out into the sea...and I wondered why it is that staring out to sea fills me with so much hope. We have no idea what's out there or what the other side looks like. It's the unknown that brings us so much hope. But for us Christians we are assured that Heaven is the other side! There is much suffering to endure while we wait, but we can receive it joyfully knowing that we are all really citizens of Heaven, no matter what our passport or paycheck says. One day we will all REALLY go home! The poor shepherds and the rich Magi alike came to adore Jesus in the poverty of His little manger. 

So Merry Christmas. God has found me through the love of my family here, as I pray He is doing for you today as well. I'll be going back to Honduras on January 12th with a renewed hope, but that will come when it comes--and I am grateful for this time here and in MI to unpack and keep reflecting upon the way God has worked in these past few months. I wish you a year of joy and few sufferings, but when they come, that you might face them with hope. You are certainly all in my prayers during this season of joy, as my gratitude radiates to wherever you are! I pray that these words of truth and wisdom might accompany you this Christmas season: 

"God cannot suffer, but he can suffer with. Man is worth so much to God that he himself became man in order to suffer with man in an utterly real way--in flesh and blood--as is revealed to us in the account of Jesus' Passion. Hence in all human suffering we are joined by one who experiences and carries that suffering with us; hence con-solatio is present in all suffering, the consolation of God's compassionate love--and so the star of hope rises." (Pope Benedict, Saved in Hope, p. 46)

Martita and me.
The Church in which Our Lady of Suyapa, patroness of Honduras, appeared. (Maria Santos Martires in the wheelchair has no limbs...sits close to Jesus there everyday!)

<--My bros and sisters...our Missioners community. Que guapos...

So I get a little laughed at because I dance like a member of Nsync. Juan Carlos attempts to teach me Batracha...or was it Merengue?

I was thinking more about the amazing pupusas I had just eaten...

Dios esta aqui!

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Mi culpa...mi gran culpa! Forgive my very late post. Is it already the middle of November? I'll be back in the States for Christmas in a month. It's hard to believe. Part of the reason I haven't written is because it intimidates me. So much happens in a day...crises and joys. It's funny--here, everything always seems wrong and impossible and surreal. People are always sick, poor, suffering, sad...and yet at the same time somehow everything is perfectly fine and in its place. One minute I am fed up with how painful everything is, and the next I'm smiling and surrendering. And the mountains are still a cause of wonder for me. Life here is incredibly paradoxical.

Over the past month I've started to work more consistently with the Mother's group here and the Scholarship program for students. Many of the students have mothers in the group. Most of the mothers are single. Three times a week I make visits to their homes. There aren't telephones or street names...the social worker whom I work with, Sagrario, , simply knows where they all live. It's so amazing how they trust us and open up to us with every problem. I've left in tears multiple times.

A few stories from the past month.

We found out that the man who played guitar at our local parish died suddenly of a heart attack. His kids are all involved in our ministries, and his 14-year old daughter comes to the class that I co-teach on Sunday afternoons for young women. I hadn't really met her (there are about 40 girls in the class!) but when we showed up at their home to pay our respects and pray with them, I did my best to comfort her. I've never had to comfort someone who lost their father 2 days before...but it was incredible how she opened up to me and trusted me. After she cried for a while, I asked her what her favorite memory of her Dad was. She preceded to show me every single picture of him that she had. She was laughing...so was I. And it was beautiful...almost every picture was related to a liturgical celebration. He was a true man of God.

One of my favorite people here is our friend Marta, or Martita as we call her affectionately. She is a woman in her 50s, but she has extreme mental incapacities. No one really knows exactly what happened to her. She has been a friend of the community since the beginning, and she stops by almost everyday for food, coffee, and her eyedrops and medicine. She usually isn't wearing shoes, and her hair is full of little white things...(though she just got it cut!) Every time I walk her to the door after her visit she stops and venerates Christ in the tabernacle saying, "Jesus protect me and care for me". She touches and rubs all the paintings we have of Jesus or Mary crossing herself and praying. She is like a little child without fear. Everybody in our community has a story about Martita. A few weeks ago, during the major flooding that occurred here, she was scared to sleep in her house because there are holes in her roof. So, another missionary and I slept overnight with her in our ministry center. As I was saying goodnight to her, her little body wrapped up in 3 blankets, I thought...this is Jesus. I'm caring for Jesus right now. Sometimes the Missioners sit around and talk about humorous things she has done or said, because they are beautiful and plentiful. When we talk about her, it's so joyful. It's like we are talking about Jesus Himself.

And lastly, Suyapa. Please keep her in your prayers. She is a woman who comes to our Thursday mother's group. She has severe depression, and it was so bad a while ago that she had to put her 4 kids in an orphanage since she was pregnant again. She now has a 4 month old beautiful baby girl. She lives nearby in a room that the Friars help her to rent. But a few weeks ago, she overdosed on her depression pills. Here there is no hospital able to host a poor person when something like this happens. But it wasn't safe to leave her alone in her home with all the drugs still in her systems and a little baby girl to care for. Therese, my sister missioner, and I spent one night with her in the ministry center...I slept next to the little baby girl, giving her bottles and worrying all night that I was going to crush her. But the next morning it was peaceful and beautiful and I was so happy that Suyapa was still alive. She's doing a little better but needs our prayers immensely. The spirit of depression in the women here is, well...depressing. But when they smile? How could anyone lose hope after seeing smiles like theirs?

And as for me? I am simply praying that I can always be poor enough to realize how much I need God. The Kingdom of God is here among us, even and especially in Honduras. These are the people that we are preparing ourselves to spend Heaven with, because their faith and childlikeness makes it apparent that God holds a special place in His heart for them. I'm looking forward to visiting my homeland in a month for Christmas, but they remind me that my real homeland is Heaven, when we can rest from this constant struggle that is life.

I pray for a Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! We have a busy few weeks ahead of us..so I look forward to catching up when I'm home. Thank you again for allowing me to be here with your support, encouragement and prayers. I bring you with me everyday!

En Su Amor,
MJ

Onward to Nicaragua!

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Friends and Family,

I hope this post finds you well and enjoying the fall season! I miss you all.

Honduras is beautiful...I'm more and more like a little girl, pondering everything I encounter like Mary did in the depth of her heart (Lk 2:19).

This past week a CFR priest has joined us, Fr. Agustino. He has a great love for youth, and for the Theology of the Body, a beautiful work of John Paul II's on man and woman and how God created us to be in communion with one another. He'll join us next week in Nicaragua, where we go on Mission again...we are also visiting Ave Maria University there, and the Franciscans of the Primitive Observance. Please pray for everyone we visited this week, the Mission that some of my fellow Missioners are currently on (a couple's retreat in an aldea) and our time in Nicaragua. We are definitely keeping busy with the Lord's work...and the harvest is ready!

Thank you for being who you are and a part of my life! Thank you for the love that you have and that you have shared with me.

I leave you with a song..."tenemos tanto tanto pero tanto tanto tanto tanto...para estar agradecido!" "we have so, so, but so so so so much for which to be grateful!"

LOVE,
MJ

MOC blog

Check out our updated Missioners of Christ blog: missionersofchrist.blogspot.com. This is my post from a few weeks ago:

Throughout college, praising God through music was a powerful form of prayer for me. Here in Honduras, I am able to “sing a new song to the Lord,” in a new language! Before leaving, I thought it would be difficult to give up my favorite praise and worship songs in English, but as usual, I was focusing more on what I would lose than on what I would gain. The words to one of these new songs have been especially significant for me, as a new missionary in our community: “Todo lo que soy, todo lo que tengo, todo lo que quiero, todo lo que sueño, a ti Señor Jesús, te entrego.” (Everything I am, everything I have, everything I want, everything I dream, to you Lord Jesus, I surrender).

Some days during the past 3 weeks I have prayed these words joyfully, thanking God for the opportunity to really wake up each day and spend myself completely for Him. Some days I pray them with exasperation, feeling poor and useless. But the words of this song keep causing me to realize that our God longs to be our Provider; in fact, His heart burns for it! But He allows us the freedom to allow Him in, and we can only do that when we don’t leave our options open: Christ is our only option! And He is everything.

This was made clear to me during last week’s mission to the mountain town of Guajiquiro and its surrounding villages. The night before we left, we were blessed with an extended night of prayer and praise before the Blessed Sacrament, asking God to pour forth His Holy Spirit upon us again as He did at Pentecost. And send us forth He did, to the unknown, like the branches from His vine. All we had to bring to the villagers was Christ, literally—in His sacraments (Fr. Juan Diego, cfr was with my team).

Each night in the village we had a holy hour with the villagers. On the last night I was sitting in the back row of the chapel, sharing my candle and song sheet with Luis Alfredo, a 7-year-old who had been joining us all week. As we sat and shared Christ’s light, my fellow missioner Juan Carlos began the song… “Todo lo que soy, todo lo que tengo…” I looked up at Christ, humbly gazing at us from the altar, thanking Him for what He had done that week with our willingness to serve Him through our simplicity, poverty, and faith that He was at work. Lord, let us be living monstrances, displaying your love to everyone we encounter. When all we have is You, we have more than enough.